Whenever the topic of breastfeeding is brought up you can guarantee there is one sentence that will be uttered every time- ‘It’s not for everyone’.
18 months into breastfeeding my little boy I can tell you, it’s not for me.
I am sick to the back teeth of being sucked on, I am tired of being grabbed at and undressed by a child almost as big as me, I’m bored of being the only thing that will console him and I’m done with the guilt I feel because I don’t enjoy it the way other people seem to.
If I could go back knowing what I know I’m not sure I would breastfeed past 2, 6, 20 weeks.
I know I would have always given it a go but I know really, I should have stopped long before now.
I am a breastfeeding supporter, I can give you all sorts of advice and tips and tricks to make it easier, but enjoying it? Sorry I can’t help you there.
It’s natural, it’s nutritionally best for the baby (no ifs or buts, it’s science) but a laugh a minute? Something to do for a good time? Nope, not here, anyway.
I have heard in the past ‘no one regrets breastfeeding for longer’ or similar and I think that’s crap. Everyday that goes by I regret not stopping the day before. Every day that I breastfeed is another day to undo.
And it’s torture. I’ve gone cold turkey so many times, but it doesn’t last. My stubborn little boy just doesn’t give in and why should he? It was the first thing he knew, a constant in his short life that brings him a comfort he can’t get anywhere else, how can I expect him to give it up without a fight?
I can only listen to the crying and calls for ‘boo boo’ for so long, there is only so many times he will be pacified with a cuddle or a snack. I see his confused little face and and feel so much guilt that I want to take something away from him that he holds so dear.
My daughters had dummy’s that they sucked until they were 3 and would still suck now at 5 years old if I let them. That was their comfort, if I imagine feeding Jasper until he is 3 or 5 it makes me come out in a cold sweat.
It has to stop somewhere.
I wish it had stopped sooner so that I could have looked back fondly at breastfeeding my baby, instead of wishing it had never started.