While I was in a rut…

They say you should do one thing a day that scares you if you want to grow as a person and I wonder if the same can be said for doing things that seem impossible?

Yes, here I am ladies and gents, stuck in a self doubting limbo. Again.

I seem to veer wildly from one to the other. I’m either fierce as hell, unstoppable, feel like I could take over the world while the baby naps or staring blankly into the future with no idea how to achieve what I want or even what that really is.

My Facebook feed is peppered with people, women, Mums that have decided they want to make a better life for themselves. I know there are differing opinions on so called ‘pyramid schemes’ but we have to hand something to these ladies, they are motivated!

Day in day out they posts positive messages, they seem to have never ending energy and a belief they can achieve everything they set out to.

I really am in awe of them and this level of motivation is definitely something I lack sometimes.

When I started blogging I did it because I wanted someone to read what I wrote. I wanted to get my opinion out there, I wanted to make people smile and to be honest I wanted someone to talk to.

A few months down the line I have discovered a side of blogging that was unknown to me before.

All those times I wondered why people on Instagram where SO passionate about a new yogurt or deliriously happy with their new headphones.

Back then I wanted to be as excited about food, as passionate about a new accessory, why was I so lacking in enthusiasm about my mundane life?!

Now though I know, generally speaking, that level can only be reached when you are being paid, being paid big bucks to tell the world you are worshiping at the alter of fat-free organic bio live yogurt for all of eternity, never will you ever love another, ever. #ad

And no one’s paying me.

And that’s why I’m sat here, comfortably wedged in my rut.

I hate my blog because no one is paying me to take photographs of myself lusting after dairy products.

Excuse me while I have an out of body experience-

GET A GRIP YOU SAD EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN BEING AND EMBARRASSMENT TO ALL OF MAN KIND!

And this is why I love writing what’s in my head.

I have been feeling really, really down about it. I thought about shutting it all down and deleting every last trace of my attempt at putting my words out there. Words I am passionate about and love dearly. All because someone else gets paid more for their words.

In black and white it all seems laughable.

No, I haven’t made a mint. I’ve barely made a tic tac.

But people listen to what I say. People tell me I give them comfort, I bring them joy, I inspire them.

These are the big things. This is what I should be aiming for.

Doubting ourselves is really very easy and its tough habit to break but I assure you, you’re your harshest critic.

You can do anything you want to, anything you put your mind to. I know you are capable.

BUT

While you’re striding out ready to make your mark, eyes on the prize just stop and have a little look around.

Chances are you’re already doing the most important things. Whatever they are.

Nat Halfpenny

One Comment

  1. I understand what you mean, so many of my facebook friends now seem to be selling or promoting something whereas I do what I do for gratis because I enjoy writing.

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