Are you a bed waiter?
Not a bed wetter (I’ll cover that another day) A bed waiter?
Definition of a bed waiter is a person, usually a parent, that spends an absurd amount of time in the evenings loitering around in the dark waiting for a smaller person, usually an energizer powered toddler, to fall asleep.
I’m a bed waiter. I bed wait for one or two children a night on average and every night follows a pattern.
If you too are a bed waiter you might find that your evenings also run similarly.
First off, there’s the first real ‘weight off your feet’ moment of the day. If I am waiting for the baby then he requires me to lie parallel to him, my hand tucked under his bottom so he can lie comfortably on his side. I let out a big sigh and my body relaxes. Ahhh, we made it.
My mind plays a highlights reel of our day and I watch my little one all cosy in their bed and feel ever so contented.
After a few minutes I might feel I need to wriggle to get comfier, but this is a major drawback of bed waiting. Once you choose a position you are pretty much stuck with it unless you want to risk rousing the drowsy baby and heading back to square one.
As the minutes tick on and the baby/child is still in that in between place where they are not quite awake, not quite asleep feelings of impatience will begin to build.
I wanted to watch Emmerdale.
Good God, I am starving will this child nod off.
I can’t feel my left bum cheek.
Why didn’t I bring my phone!? (Every night)
As my impatience grows I experience another emotion. Resentment takes hold.
Not towards my ray of sunshine lying so snugly in their bed. No, no.
Resentment that my other half is downstairs doing whatever he pleases.
Come to think of it, I haven’t heard him tidying up!
Why has he got the TV so loud they will never nod off!
For Pete’s sake would he turn the central heating off its like a sauna in here!
And when is he going to cut his bloody hair?!
I lie and I quietly seethe, just you wait until I get downstairs. I’ll give you a piece of my mind!
Then all at once…Oh!
Where am I? What year is it? Who’s the prime minister?
Every night I fall asleep and wake up not knowing if I’ve been in the land of nod for ten minutes or four hours. Baby/child is now sleeping soundly. I can leave, I can do as I please! The world is my oyster! This is my time and I’m going to make the most of it. Or should I. Am I comfier here cuddled up, am I missing anything if I go back to sleep.
Then I think about what’s waiting for me downstairs and how hard it is to get any time together since the kids come along. All parents will know what I mean. Nothing like that first cold beer of an evening is there.
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