Whenever you write for a platform other than your own you are going to have to suck it up and accept there will be some clever editing, choice quotes used as headlines and the pictures chosen to accompany your piece may not be all that flattering.
Yes, I’m talking about my piece in the Daily Mail. However, it was not that far removed from what I originally set out to do. That is raise the issue of how women may feel about sex immediately after having a baby and maybe in the years that follow.
I have had so much positive feedback but of course I have also had my fair share of negative comments. The majority I haven’t read though luckily some readers have taken to Facebook and Twitter to leave me messages there. Which has been a treat.
The main thing that strikes me first off is the total abandonment of sisterhood. Wow women can be cats can’t they!? What pleasure it gives a person to spout off insults to someone they don’t know about their very real feelings I don’t know. You are the embarrassment. I may have sacrificed my privacy to get people talking about this and brought our dirty linen out in public but I am big enough and ugly enough to put myself out there in the chance I could help another woman, or indeed man.
What have you done hiding behind your computer screen?
The irony is not lost that a huge amount of comments have come in spouting the absolute bollocks I wrote about. Telling me my partner will leave, I’m miserable, something wrong with me.
Just No! You don’t get to bully women into sex they don’t want anymore.
A woman who is not yet out of her first year post-natal looking after four small children that is too tired and touched out for sex is not abnormal. There are huge variations of normal and I’m sure a large number of women fall in right next to me.
Maybe at some points my choice of words could have been better, for those who enjoy lifting words and taking them out of context or the very literal minds. However, when I said that being touched at the end of the day CAN sometimes make my skin crawl, I stand by that.
I’ve had lots of feedback telling me my relationship is over, I no longer fancy my partner (though after the pictures with the article I’m wondering how he manages to be attracted to me, never seen a worse case of resting bitch face!) and this is so not true. Do women not have enough to worry about once they have had a baby? Even if not for a prolonged period I am guessing that almost every woman feels off sex for a while after a baby, weeks maybe. In those precious first weeks no one needs to be worrying that they are strange, or their relationship will suffer in the long term.
One point that was raised in the heated Mumsnet debate was new parents, both men and women, where not prepared before having the baby for the effect on their sex life. I myself never attended any classes while pregnant but isn’t this something that should be talked about? No one is talking about it, because if you’re a women who admits to feeling off sex you are accused of being cold, past it and selfish. Furthermore, if you’re a man who confesses to respecting your partners feelings towards sex and accepting its not on the agenda, you’re a doormat. You need to man up ‘cos men get sex. Whenever they please it seems to me.
I have had lots of helpful (for once not being sarcastic there) people suggest if we had a break, if we scheduled in some time for us things would be different. You are absolutely right. After children it is great to find some time for just the two of you where you can unwind and catch up on all those things that never get said day to day. If you can get it. We have four young children who aren’t the most easy going when it comes to other people looking after them and not a lot of willing babysitters, time out is scarce. When we have that time of course its amazing! I wish it was something we could do more often.
I have to touch briefly on the ‘Done with sex at 26’ comments. No, not done with sex at 26. Struggling to be interested in sex 9 months after giving birth. I’m breastfeeding, as I write I have very painful mastitis and I’ve not had a period. Pregnancy and childbirth may be out the way but I am not home and dry yet, my body is still going through a lot.
Now I need to channel my inner Rhona Cameron in I’m a celebrity (Someone must remember?!)
Sometimes, sometimes, sometimes.
Sometimes we’re all like that.
I’m not touched out every night, there are some evenings I feel quite energized and do stupid things like staying up until 3AM watching Borat. For the purpose of writing about this issue I felt no need to explain this.
So that’s that.
Where I have been contacted with genuine questions I have enjoyed answering them. People have told me that actually they don’t feel like this, I find that interesting, but it doesn’t make my feelings any less real so haven’t appreciated the attacks on my character.
Don’t criticize what you don’t understand and don’t troll me. It takes ages to delete your rubbish and I’m trying to get on with being perfectly happy with my life.