I like to think that I am immune to the dreaded ‘Mum guilt’.
I am on the whole very relaxed, I don’t mind treating myself or going out without the kids. I refuse to feel bad about these things.
Today, however, it is nearly midday, I am still in pjs as is Jasper. Lola is running around naked. Pepper and Cherry are dressed only because they decided to dress themselves.
We have had a pretty busy week ending with the spring fair yesterday that I spent all day organizing and then I went to the pub quiz, so I am feeling pretty tired. The girls have been exhausted this week too, lots of tears and tantrums.
Even writing this I can smell the stench of a Mum justifying herself. Which I don’t need to do. None of us do. As much as we tell ourselves this though, how many of us actually give ourselves a proper break, throw our hands up and say ‘Today I did nothing and it was great’.
Truth is, I haven’t ‘done nothing’. I was awake at 7, I had a load of washing done by 9, I’ve made 5 breakfasts and 5 snacks, I’ve changed two nappies and wiped dozens of snotty noses.
I’ve given more hugs and kisses than I can count, I’ve laughed with my little ones. The kind of laughter that hurts and you don’t think will stop. I’ve tickled tummies and rubbed knocks and bumps until they don’t hurt anymore. I’ve sat with a little body heavy in my lap and smiled when our eyes have locked for a moment across the room. I’ve guided a sturdy, determined body away from danger and encouraged an uncertain little mind to try just one more time.
This doesn’t happen everyday. Most days I’m too busy chasing my tail to see the smiles and share the laughs. That breaks my heart, but today when I have completely abandoned everything else I feel guilty.
Guilty the beds aren’t made, guilty I haven’t dressed anyone, guilty Lola has watched 3 films back to back.
If anyone popped in now, they would see me, sat in my pyjamas, living room cluttered, dishes in the sink, crumbs on the floor and they might think I have spent the day doing nothing.
They would be so wrong and the only people who would no any different are the little ones I have here with me, the only people who it really matters to.
Over thinking is a hobby of mine, I should really learn to look at myself through my childrens eyes.
As they say, when they grow up they won’t remember the dishes in the sink or how you hoovered twice a day, they will remember the times you smiled and laughed.
They’ll remember the times you really did nothing at all and I think in the future I’ll come to see that those times where actually everything.