If you have a baby or child who struggles to sleep for any stretch of time you may be familiar with this phenomenon, when well rested I am a dream and a delight. I am charming and welcoming and non-judgmental. Give me a year of snatched naps with a tiny body rested in the crook of my arm and I become positively murderous at the drop of a hat. If you are the parent of said non-sleeper read on! I surely cant be the only one….
- ‘Oh I am so tired, little Jimmy has his molars coming through and I was up 3 times last night then awake for the day at 6!’. What you say; ‘Ahhh God love him, hard when they can’t settle isn’t it’. What you’re thinking, ‘Listen Trish you half soaked nit wit, I’ve not had that much sleep since the Summer of ’69 so don’t come crying to me’. (Trish is not a half soaked nit wit, we actually love Trish).
- You think back to those newborn days of cuddling the tiny babe to sleep and holding them as they napped and wonder if you should have left them to self settle and put them in the cot or even better, if you should have done a moonlight flit and started a new life somewhere warm.
- People who view catching up on sleep during the day as an inconvenience are the worst.ever. The chance to get 40 winks at all would be a fine thing.
- Any other family members complaining of tiredness are knob heads.
- Staying silent when people with newborn babies talk about lack of sleep is the only option. They’re too young to know the truth.
- At the same time people with newborns complaining about lack of sleep are knob heads, suck it up!
- You hate sleep training of any sort as you want everyone to live in no-sleep hell with you and your non-existent back bone.
- ‘Sleep regression’ is a term parents with kids who sleep use to describe less than perfect periods of rest. As a parent of a non-sleeper you call this period ‘my life since kids’.
- There is no such thing as ‘making a rod for your own back’, apart from at 3AM in the morning when you lie in bed with a toddler putting their finger up your nose and count the proverbial rods whilst hating yourself until you get to double figures and begin sobbing.
- You resent the expectation that after a lie in of one hour you will be rested. I could lie-in until next Thursday and still be making up time.
At the end of the day (or at the beginning of the night shift) its inevitable that eventually they will sleep through*, hang in there**, you are doing an amazing job*** and besides, they’re only little once!****
*Don’t hold me to this.
**People who say this are knob heads
****These people have a death wish.