I’m still your Mummy, you’re still my world.

When I had my darling little babies didn’t they make me feel like a queen?

Yeah a queen that gets pooped on and sicked up at and kept awake all night, but it was all me. No one was better company for them during the long nights that suddenly got dark and quiet and I liked that.

The way a baby’s cloudy eyes follow their Mother around the room never fails to amaze me. Barely able to see what is literally in front of their nose they manage to keep tabs on that very special hazy figure they like best.

Being able to say, ‘Pass her to me’ and right all the wrongs in their little world was magic.

Sometimes its a heavy load, being the only one that can calm their cries, but I cherish those days.

In my mind I always imagined I would give birth to little mini-me’s. I dreamed I’d be the centre of their world always and they’d want to be like me, hang on to my every word and do anything to make me happy.

That ain’t kids though, is it?

Kids are selfish as they come, they have to be, its how they learn and develop and figure stuff out in such a short space of time. They look after number one and even though they love you, listening to you and doing what you want will never be their priority.

As they went from baby to toddler something changed.

I had to start saying ‘No’.

After a year of comforting, reliable ‘Yes’s’ that must have come as quite a shock.

I can’t say yes to everything, sometimes I have to be firm. To protect them, to stay sane and sometimes just because I’m Mum and that’s my job. I have to set boundaries.

Every time I do I’ll silently plead ‘Please, don’t fight me’.

Not because I want instant compliance or to be a respected authority figure (though that might be nice sometimes), but because I want to make them happy and because I want us to be pals.

This is what I struggle with being Mum to 3 very opinionated, stubborn little girls.

I’m no longer their world. I’m not their only safe place and they’ve taken a little bit of the trust they had invested in me and claimed it for themselves, ready to go off and make their own choices and decisions.

They’re doing that day after day, I guess it must be hard to hand the reins back when they’re doing such a good job on their own.

As they grow there can only be more fights, more differing opinions and arguments none of us want to back down from.

Its a pretty scary prospect, imagining one day it will all be out of my hands. I’ll have to let them go and hope in the time I did have I taught them right.

One thing will never change though, however many tantrums they throw, however many times I count to 3, never mind if I do spend a shameful amount of time dragging a stiff bodied child along the road.

I’ll always be their Mummy and they will always, always be my world.

 

Nat Halfpenny

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