Years back I said I didn’t want kids, my reasoning was I’d be too selfish, I wouldn’t look after them and would put myself first.
Now I have kids I realize I was a right ninny.
In a million years that could not happen, more than anything kids are demanding! If you don’t do what they want you are going to know about it.
I never imagined I could completely surrender my own needs and wants for somebody else, but I do every single day.
I’m not a selfish Mum in any sense.
All my time, money and energy gets first dibs from them.
Each day I go without the biscuit when we’re one short, I have the smallest slice of pie, I stay awake the longest to hold hands or stroke heads.
I envy my former self so much, I really was only out for myself.
I spent hours getting ready for work, I’d be up at 7 and didn’t have to leave until 9:45. What the bloody hell was I doing with all that time?!
Now I have the 3 minutes it takes the kids to leave their breakfast to throw on clean undies (not every day) and give myself a spot clean.
I’d get paid and head straight out shopping because I deserved a treat, now any money I have is earmarked for new shoes or garden play equipment. It wouldn’t cross my mind to head out and only buy myself something.
I wouldn’t change my life now for anything.
I do however think I could do with changing aspects of my life, things that are hard on me for no other reason than the expectations I put on myself.
Last night Sam took the girls over to my Mums while he did some odd jobs. I got Jasper to bed and then I had a shower. I washed my hair and left the conditioner on, I shaved my legs and stood there thinking about nothing and everything.
This is something I never ever do. I usually wash my hair hanging over the bath tub and get weekly baths always joined by someone else.
Again this is no ones fault but my own, I give myself no time and then get tetchy and stressed.
We all need that time, even if its just 15 minutes in our own heads looking out the window or painting our nails.
These things are important and it is very true that you can’t take care of other people if you are not taking care of yourself.
I think that goes for mentally and physically.
I absolutely feel so much better when I take the time to do my hair, get a nice outfit on and put on make up.
Shuffling around in leggings with greasy hair is never going to bring out the best of you.
Obviously it is tricky to make time for these things, its trickier for some that others but I really believe it can be done if you make a conscious effort.
I am going to try, won’t you join me?