Reasons my kid is not in bed.

She’s not tired
We’ll soon see who’s not tired when shes languishing on the main road on the way home from nursery tomorrow because her ‘legs are hurting’.

The bedroom door was open
I must let it be known at this point, she has been put to bed. She has had a story and a song and now she’s up. Because the door was open apparently. I don’t know either.

Her sisters were snoring
I doubt they where, more likely she has heard me complaining about her dads snoring and thought it sounded like a fab ‘get out of jail card’ to play.

Monsters under the bed
I really need to throw that copy of ‘Childhood Cliches’ out before she reads any further.

She wanted to see Daddy.
Very cute, which is of course the look she is going for because soft lad Dad can’t resist and lets her run riot.

Honestly, I know its not the end of the world if she isn’t in bed but I would like just half an hour of the day to myself. I read an article this week on the lonely years parenting teenagers and I dread those days, when I’ll be trying to lure them out of their rooms. I imagine I’ll be tragically hopeless, trying to be down with the kids in the hope they will spend some time with me.

But for the time being I don’t have enough of being ignored. Heck, I would love to be ignored! What luxury. I can’t fart in peace in this house, always someone who catches me.

Baring in mind the baby will be up at 10pm, my window for ‘me-time’ is diminishing very quickly.

People encourage me to get an early night and make up for lost sleep, I’d like to know when I’d fit that in! Early nights can be parceled up with ‘nap when the baby does’ and ‘have a quiet day on the sofa’ and they can all be sent off to wherever it is you send useless shit that people say when they have nothing helpful to offer.

This has all of a sudden become very rant-like, when it was supposed to be a light hearted look at the trials and tribulations of bedtime with toddlers. Can I blame the rioja??

Although there’s a title for another post, ‘Useless shit that people say when they have nothing helpful to offer’. I’ll accept submissions for that one, send them on a postcard!

Nat Halfpenny


  1. ‘Useless shit that people say when they have nothing helpful to offer’ – “they’ll be best friends when they’re older because you’ve had them close together” whilst they look on as the toddler tries to batter the baby to death with a set of plastic keys.

  2. Haha “have you tried putting baby rice in the milk” Useless AND dangerous, bravo! #chucklemums

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